Emma tossed her pencil into the crook of her algebra book and followed it with her forehead.  “Why does math have to be so hard?” she thought as she picked her head up and brushed her brown bangs out of her blue eyes. 

She sighed and looked at the pages filled with daunting equations.  The yellow smiley faces covering her pencil mocked her frustration.  Slamming the book closed, she smashed the happy faces and pushed the disgusting book to the corner of the table. 

Leaning back in her chair, she closed her eyes and listened to the sounds of the library; the constant beep of the circulation desk, the shushing of parents to young impatient children and the buzz of low conversations.  All the sounds of family and purpose, sounds she longed to hear at home, but couldn’t.

Reaching into the chair beside her she searched for her mp3 player in the green knapsack that used to be her father’s.  He had given her the bag six months ago when he left for Iraq and she had kept the tattered satchel by her side ever since. 

A ripple of boy’s laughter broke the silence of the library.  Emma leaned to her right and looked down a row of fiction.  There sat Emery Pratt, surrounded by a group of boys all giggling at the computer.   Emma placed her chin on her hand and stared at the boy with the messy black hair.  She watched as he pointed to the screen and talked to a tall boy on his left.  “Probably playing a game or chatting with Darcie the Diva,” thought Emma.

Emery’s green eyes shot up and met Emma’s.  She gasped and straightened quickly hoping he hadn’t seen her staring, but her elbow caught the corner of her math book sending it soaring into the teen book display.  Emma watched in horror as the pyramid of books slowly crashed to the floor and echoed throughout the library.

*Part 2 will be available tomorrow (Wed, Nov. 11th)

When the music stops he’ll see me.

It’ll be just like Cinderella. The music will stop. He will turn to look at his friends, but he won’t get that far. He’ll see me, probably for the first time, but definitely not the last time. He will look into my big brown eyes, see the way my hair flows around my face and be captivated. His friends will be calling to him, but he won’t even notice they’re there. He will see only me.

He’ll walk towards me, brushing other girls aside as they ask him to dance. They will scream his name and call him rude, but he won’t care. There is only one voice that he wants to hear and that is mine. We will embrace and he will feel complete. I will be complete.

One more song, then the music will stop and he will see me.

Had another great day.  Every muscle in my body is still sore from my weight class on Tuesday and again Negative Nancy begged me to stay home and skip the Thursday class.  I did not listen, completely ignored her, even when she screamed in pain during the ab portion of the class.  So another good day and cooking some yummy thyme chicken for supper *stomach growls*.

My husband had a check up this week and found out he has high cholesterol.  This really didn’t surprise us, but I think it gave him the push he needed to get back on the treadmill.

Not only did I wake up late this morning, but everything hurt from my pinkie toe to my hair roots.  Negative Nancy was screaming at me to stay home, lay on the couch and rest my weary muscles.  Did I listen, almost… even though I’m not a cusser I got right off the couch and went for a 3 mile nature walk.  So FU Negative Nancy, FU!

This morning was hard, I didn’t want to do anything. The tendonitis in my left hand was killing me and it’s my strength training day. The Negative Nancy that lives in my head was strong and argued I should rest because my cake decorating class was tonight and how would I be able to decorate a cake after lifting weights? I didn’t listen and went to a Women and Weights class at the gym. My hand actually felt better afterwards, then I spent the next four hours making frosting. Seriously if I would’ve known it was going to take 4 freakin’ hours I would’ve done it last weekend and split it up. If was for a rainbow cake, so lots of different colors. Anyway, food prep burns like 200 calories an hour, so that’s like 800 calories! My back feels it too. Class was great and my husband is taking the cake to work tomorrow so it won’t be here to tempt me. I admit I tasted the cake and frosting. I couldn’t let other people eat it until I knew it was ok. I did keep it to just a bite. It was yummy and my first cake decorating experience was a success.

Had a rough week, last week was so good and this one was, well it wasn’t good. Monday was great, but then Tuesday I was sidetracked by the 3 hour dentist visit. Wednesday was good, but Thursday and Friday were awful. I didn’t get in any exercise and made poor food choices. My weight is holding steady but I can’t help but be disappointed in myself for not sticking to my plan.

So, bottom line, I fell off the wagon pretty hard last week. Life just got in the way and instead of making room; I did what I always do and gave up.

Thanks to the support from my wonderful husband I have done some serious soul searching this weekend and am feeling good about tomorrow. I have sat down and made a detailed schedule of my week. I have made sure not to overload my day and I gave myself plenty of time for workouts.

I feel really good, ready to move on from the downfalls of last week and to the euphoria of being good to myself.

Today was a good day. I got up early which is not normal for me and went to the gym. I did 33 minutes of cardio and my thighs are feeling it.

Met with the trainer, Andrew, and it sounds like he has a great workout philosophy. A lot of resistance training, working on balance and toning.

Oh and today was a weigh-in day, lost 3 lbs last week. Yay! Ok I know it’s water weight, but still… Yay!

So today was the dreaded day. The day I found out how old my body actually is. I’m 31 (quickly headed towards 32) and my body is 38.

What a releif. Ok so it’s not great, my body is 7 years older than my actual years, but I’ve neglected my body for a long time so it could’ve been much worse.

The assessment came with a diet and excersise plan, both are very appreciated. I can’t wait to meet with the trainer on Monday, though I can’t help but worry about the money.

What an excellent gym, it is sad that I’ve been here a year and am just know taking advantage of this perk. You should see the pool, plus they offer free exercise classes. I have absolutely no excuses not to take part.

On Thursday I’m having a Polar Body Age Assessment. If you’ve ever watched The Biggest Loser when they go to the doc and get their “body” age, it’s the same thing. I am really nervous about it.

My husband did the sweetest thing today. He told me he was going to start mowing the lawm himself so I could use the lawn money to get a trainer. He really hates mowing the lawn so this is huge for him. It just shows me how dedicated he is to helping me meet this goal.

Hello everyone,
My name is Jennifer and I want, no scratch that, I need to lose 50 lbs. Just under 5 years ago I lost my little sister to leukemia. She was beautiful, brilliant and my best friend. I buried my grief in food, going on binder after binder, always swearing it would be the last time, only to fall off the wagon every time.

This time HAS to be different. I got married last August and we’re talking about starting a family. My weight has affected my health, which would affect any pregnancy. Basically my doctor has said that losing at least 30 lbs would help immensely. My goal is to lose this weight by Dec, sooner would be great.

I have the time; I have a gym through my husband’s work which includes a pool. So another words I have no excuses. I’m just looking for that extra push when I want to quit and I need ya’ll help. I don’t know anyone in my town so I’m counting on ya’ll.
I’m looking forward to meeting you all and experiencing this journey together.

Jennifer