Nibbles and Twig

“You’ve got to be kidding?”

“Detective Nibbles, we take arson seriously and you’re our guy on this one.”

“So let me get this straight.  You want me,”  Nibbles patted the extra 75-pounds on his belly,   “whose last name is Nibbles, to stake out the Krispy Kreme on Madison?”

“Yes Detective, all the fires have started between the hours of two and four am.  We got a tip that the Madison Krispy Kreme was next on the list.”

A knock on the door interrupted the conversation as a beautiful blonde stuck her head in the door.  “You wanted to see me Sarge?”

“Come on in Detective Twig.”

The blonde waltzed through doors.  Nibble looked her over; he’d eaten burritos bigger than her.  He rolled his eyes to the Sergeant.  “Seriously?”

“Detective Twig is the best arson detective we’ve got, you’re lucky to be able to work with her.”

Nibble shrugged.  “Meet me in the motor pool at midnight, Slim Jim.”  His stomach growled as he walked out.

“The name’s Sarah,” Detective Twig yelled after him.

He cringed, his ex-wife was named Sarah and she was a skinny broad, too; had him eating kelp and sprouts.  Like a person could live off weeds. 

Walking down the isles of the Piggly Wiggly he chuckled at the contents of his cart; Twinkies, an assortment of candy bars, and two bags of chips; all stake out must haves.  Miss Slim Jim would love it, he was sure she’d show up with carrots and celery, with a little fat free ranch on the side.  They were all alike, skinny broads.

A quarter after midnight they sat in the vacant lot across from the Krispy Kreme. 

“Can you believe this; two cops staking out a donut shop?”  He laughed.

She looked him up and down as he stuffed a Twinkie in his mouth.  “Looks like you’re familiar with the fried dough family.”

“This Slim Jim,” he held up the other Twinkie, “is an American staple.  Besides Twinkies are baked not fried.”

He watched her take out her bag of baby carrots and laughed.

“What?”  She grabbed a carrot.

“Just waiting for you take out your little cup of fat free ranch.”

She glared at him and pulled the little Tupperware bowl of ranch dressing out of her bag.  “Happy?  Looks like you could stand to eat a few carrots instead of Twinkies every once and while.”

“Not on your life Slim Jim.”  He picked up the binoculars and scanned the store.  “Heads up, looks like we got a live one.”

Twig sat up and yanked the binoculars from Nibble’s fat fingers.  “It’s too early, this guy isn’t supposed to show for a couple of hours.”

“Guess he didn’t get the memo.”  He rolled his eyes at Twig.

She choked on her carrot.  “Is that a flame thrower?  You’d better call for back-up.”

Nibbles called it in.  “How ya want to handle this, Slim Jim?”

She thought for a minute.  “I’ll pretend to be out for a midnight jog and distract him, then you disarm him.”

“That puts the flame thrower facing you, sweetheart.”

“Do you really think he’s going to believe you’re out for a late night jog?”  She raised her eyebrows.

“Good point.”  He grabbed his gun.  “Let’s do this.”

Nibbles stalked around back as Twig jogged by the Krispy Kreme.  “Excuse me sir, did you see a dog run past?”

The man shot up and pointed the flame thrower at Twig, Nibbles jumped on his back knocking the man to the ground. 

“You’re under arrest.”  Nibbles wheezed as he dragged the flame thrower off the guy’s back and cuffed him.  Sitting on the curb he tried to catch his breath as Twig patted the dirt bag down.  Two marked units blocked the drive thru lane.

“What’s your problem with Krispy Kreme?” she asked turning him over.

“I like the way it smells when it burns, all sweet.”  He gazed at her, eyes red and beady.

“All right smart guy, ya got a name?”

The man didn’t answer, but smiled when he saw the news crews arrive.

“My name is Richard Blaze,” he shouted loud enough to reach the reporters.

 “You’ve got to be kidding me.”  Nibbles shook his head, got up and walked towards the car.  He needed his other Twinkie.