Mother and the Birds

I watched Mother as she sat on the back porch with her tiny binoculars and thick field guide.  She’d sit there for hours raising the binoculars to her eyes and then slowly flipping through the pictures to identify the creature.  I always wondered how she could find little animals that pooped everywhere so fascinating, but every sunny day she insisted on being left out back for hours.

“Don’t walk in and out,” she’d say when I checked on her. “You’re scaring them away.”

I shook my head; all that time alone staring at birds couldn’t be good for her health.  She needed to be with her family, spending time with her grandchildren, not watching rats with wings.

She placed the binoculars gently on her nose and studied the blue jay at the feeder.  She never paid that much attention to me, how I longed for her to take interest in my life, read my field guide.

I chuckled to myself as I started supper: look at me, jealous of Mother and the birds.

Under the Weather

“So you thought you could get away with it?”  Shawna walked around the bed, grinning at Gene.  “I told you I don’t like games.  I don’t like to be played.  And I don’t like liars.”  She walked to the lap top and typed in a web address.  Naked men appeared instantly.  

“Spending an awful lot of money on gay porn these days,” she said, grabbing his credit card, “and on the company card.  Tsk, tsk… you know that can get you fired.”

Gene tried yelling for her to stop, but the tie covering his mouth muffled the sound and the handcuffs weren’t budging.

Shawna picked up Gene’s cell phone and dialed his office.

“Now I’ll just leave your boss a little message,” she said to Gene, “we wouldn’t want him to worry about you, now would we?”

She giggled as she spoke in a high, sexy voice, “This message is to inform you that Mr. Gene Upshaw won’t be in for the rest of the week.  He’s umm… under the weather.”

The Trainer

Alex picked up the bear and violently threw it. 

How could she make such a fool of him?  He grabbed another of her precious glass bears and hurled it into the fireplace.  He was going to ask her to marry him, instead he found her wrapped in the sheets with someone else. 

He should’ve seen this coming, she had spent most nights at the gym with her trainer and she wasn’t losing any weight.  Turns out the only training being done was in the bedroom. 

How could he be so stupid?  The signs were all there, they hadn’t bumped uglies in a long time.  She always complained about feeling fat and ugly, hence the gym and trainer.  She didn’t look like she was feeling hideous when he found the two of them together. 

Of course, he never thought he’d have to worry about a trainer named Jill.

Last Man Dancing

The last woman looked at the man and rolled her eyes.  If only she had arrived sooner, she would’ve gotten a decent partner.  The man strutted to her side and raised his eyebrows, “Would you like to dance?”

Stamping on a smile, she nodded.  The music played a waltz and they were soon gliding to the soothing tune.  As he turned her in circle after circle, she couldn’t help but notice his gracefulness.  Being two inches shorter than her and about twice as wide, she was sure he’d be a clumsy ox.  Unable to meet his gaze, she stared at his head, watching the colorful lights bounce around the shiny globe. 

The music switched to a jitterbug and the man began to whirl her around, causing her to giggle.  The more they danced, the harder she laughed.  Who knew she could have so much fun with the last man picked.